So, I need to get back out there -need to hold some sort of conversation. Maybe I spent too long hiding out. It's not that it was without good reason but where I've been hasn't been fun.
Where do I start on this one?
Okay days at work but they're getting more stressful. The ten minutes added either way don't help. I have what I call the “coveted window office” which is interesting because now my body is getting used to sunlight again. Moral or lesson we've learned thus far: my body's not a big fan of not having sun. Or, I'm nicer to deal with as long as I'm not working in a dungeon.
Through one way or another I once again got to the Bargain Basement of My Soul (DVDs now for the low, low price of...) I came across a travel blog ran by a guy named Nomadic Matt and so much stuff in my life made sense. My thoughts on things, how I view life, my lack of interest in political nature, etc. I realized I missed things about ME -what others liked about me, what others found cool in me, why I even had friends. I've barreled-out my life with nothing happy to show for it. This job I have has poisoned me and it's this routine I've been in of trying to be comfortable through the poison has to stop. The only person who can make that happen is me and I still feel fractured like a plexi-glass windshield after a high-speed collision. I'm fuckin' tryin' though.
“Vivid.” That was the word used by the woman running the coffeeshop not far from the job's new locale. The woman running it is pretty cool. I mention to her that I do crime fiction, hardboiled fare, and that word -vivid- doesn't always factor into the lexicon or vernacular. It's like someone saying “soothing”; ya just don't hear it all that often. Does that make me less sophisticated? Less articulate? Less anything, period? I dunno. I always considered how I write, how I speak, a melding of high and low speech. Kinda like an episode of “Deadwood” without the Shakespearian-ness of it.
Good idea: needing to unplug. Another good idea: finding happiness in being alone. Bad idea: avoiding everyone and everything to do it. Worse idea: doing both at the same time. So, this little social experiment didn't work out so well. I got burnt out on Facebook and on the people around me and figured what the hell? I don't need anyone right now. Fair-weather friends don't care but those who do I kinda pushed away a little, too. Some cited me on the fact that I shouldn't have been doing it when I needed friends the most and they are probably right.
As I mentioned earlier I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I can do, what I'm good at, what makes me happy, etc. I toyed around with the idea of travel blogging/writing a while back (like I looked into freelance writing) and am setting my sights on that. Some may be disappointed, some already think that it's cool, but ultimately it's just air until I can make it happen. It's not that I can't or won't do it; I just have to make it happen. So this weekend I am going to unveil another blog (apparently three isn't enough) and calling it Neverending Highway. I'll blog my trips, pics, etc. on it and use it as my platform for getting additional work and letting people see my trips. Will keep you posted. I also have a plan for an “overall” project that sounds pretty cool...
Went tonight to see “North by Northwest” and it was packed. I talked with a few people and while I was alone I enjoyed it immensely. Check out the uLocal blog on that one.
More when I get the time,
-Chas
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