Been a bit since I last wrote here in Blogging Chasness. It's weird -I remember almost dutifully keeping up with the blog on MySpace now... not so much. I can't say if it's being busy or the fact that most of my life has already been conveyed in chats on Facebook or wherever and those reading this may already be clued-in. Or maybe I have just shirked from talking about my life.
There's always “of them them/those days.” The kind where you don't know why you're doing what you're doing. The kind where you don't care -grabbing a change of clothes and a wad of cash and heading for the mountains feels like a good idea. When you're at the bottom who cares, right?
But logic pervades the argument. It interrupts it. Tells you that no matter what ya gotta keep going because it means something. You don't know what but you're praying that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train. Or a level going to a dungeon in which you find that the princess is in another castle.
Tuesday night. I'm tired. Coltrane plays through my surround sound. BBC APA in a bottle on my floor. Writing in hardboiled style. It suits.
Pissed off a filmmaker. The guy may have a degree of talent but the giant chip on his shoulder might as well be a white albatross. He tried going “English major” on my review of his movie which is fine. He called me out on the fact that I didn't seem serious about it but could only follow with “it's better than anything else that's came from here.” Fuckin' scruples. That's tantamount to saying “It's all about the story” when most people in Cinema Land don't know dick about story. Sorry. I'm not saying there are those who don't, some do, but for the most part “no.” Sorta reminds me of the quote “Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.” Feel free to hide behind whatcha ain't got.
Brokered a deal on my videocamera. $40 lighter. Canon 40D with accessories and lenses heavier. SWEET camera. I almost feel guilty having it, now. Been snapping pics all around where I work and found a path to a forest behind a building. Nice walkway. We got shorted on being in a good spot but at least it's not far away. Talked with a woman who was outside. She asked me about doing photography and I may have ran my mouth a little long. Oh well. Everyone knows that by now. Will go out again tomorrow.
Loneliness. It's a trap where you reach inside and feel nothing. Pull out and you get scraped by shards. Talked with a chick working at the coffeeshop. Seemed cool but got that vibe she had been around too many assholes -had heard nearly everything. I'm not running against that. Have fun and a nice life.
Never thought I would say this but I miss being with someone. There. You got my confession. Been trying to be happy being by myself but it's no good. Everyone tries to point me toward someone when I'm trying to be alone and when I'm not I fail. Will this reflect down the timeline? I wouldn't mind spending my time with someone but I find myself terrified. Mortified. I don't know why. It's like opening myself up takes a Congressional Act and when I do no one wants the contents. Fuck me.
Talked to a redheaded chick on FB. Discussed metaphysical theories for redheads. Interesting. Maybe we're closer to some aspects and abilities (clairvoyance, telekinesis, etc.) than those with different genetics. Or maybe it's a person-by-person thing. Wonder if there's a study on it...
Talking with another filmmaker about letting him film one of my stories. “Broken Time.” A guy finds that time has stopped at 3:15pm and observes the consequences. Good story. He loves it. Says it's very “Twilight Zone.” Says he's figuring out how he could film it.
Working on “Sayonara Sunset.” Sequel to “The Big Adios.” Finished a chapter called “The Girl with the Tramp Stamp.”
Just tryin' to get by, man
-Chas
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