So right now as I write this sentence it's 1:32am EST. To once again quote Cage the Elephant, “Ain't no rest for the wicked...”
For those of you who have known me for years and have been following my blogs (as opposed to following me which forces me to get a PO) (just joking, people) I've been alternating between writing and photography and whatever I can and in doing so becoming a “creative mercenary” of sorts; following whichever way the money is traveling or the opportunity takes me. In doing so I have amassed followers on my standard Wordpress movie blog as well as working as a Movie Critic for Mojo, WLKY.com, LouisvilleKY.com, Wiregrass Parenting Magazine, and Alternative Revolt Music Magazine. The only apparent problem with this (aside from it being low-income work) is that while I can expound on just about anything there's only one thing I know how to write about:
Film. Movies. Motion Pictures. Cinema. Life at 24 frames a second.
Not one to sit on my laurels but for a moment let me extoll what I've accomplished: I've been listed twice on Gather.com as a “Cool Person to Know.” I made the first round of TotalFilm.com's “600 Movie Blogs You May Have Missed.” My own personal movie blog peaked at 44,000 hits in a single month. I did all of this without advertising and just plain plugging-away and being honest with my reviews and talking about what I loved.
And then life happened. I was in a relationship which followed by the freefall of breakup. I spent months figuring out who Chas really was and found the deepest, darkest part of my soul (sorry, Google maps will not help you find it). I've fought diabetes back and forth. Survived nearly being creamed by a semi-truck, spinning out on I-64. And finally I'm sitting in the calm of unemployment.
I have a friend of mine named Andy who took me out to St. Louis and brought me back to Louisville as a favor to me. He's a former Radio-TV major who went into the Army and has made a career of it. We talk back and forth about life and whatnot and I've sought advice from him as to what to do. Weeks again the wind was kicking up and whispering to me to follow the one thing I know about, movies, and a chorus among everyone else that echoed the sentiment. Even a friend, Tamara, suggested that I go after it.
On one hand I don't know why I've waited so long to return to the field but on the other I know why: I had to grow up. I had to go out and learn and attain those “rites of passage” that seemingly eluded me before. After the failure of the PSA made for The Company I vowed not to come back for a while; to wait for a time in which I had a Story to tell. After breaking up with Jen I had those B.S. “phantom” moments when I would be sitting in a movie theater and missing someone watching a movie with me. All that shit has been flushed out of my system.
For those not in the “know” I've been working on my own personal, indie movie project called “No Love.” I initially sell it to people as being about “bad sex” and other relationship problems that we find ourselves not wanting to talk about. I've been watching “anti”-romance movies such as “Closer,” and “(500) Days of Summer” to get an idea. I recommend both movies, BTW. I'm trying to be as honest as possible in writing this thing.
Writing the screenplay. Did I ever mention that I'm horrible at it? Let me back that thought up: I'm good at doing dialog and writing for myself but when it comes to submitting a screenplay for others to consider in competitions or whatnot I have format problems, etc. Ultimately I have found that there only rule for screenwriting is that your actors have to understand what's on a page; that you were able to communicate what they need to do. As far as I know Michael Bay writes his out on napkins and hands them to the actors the day they are needed on set. Again, as far as I (or anyone) knows.
So I've been actively working on this screenplay for the past few months in my “slow and easy eventually gets something accomplished” sort-of way. Per se, I've been averaging typing out a scene a week for the past two months. This past week I've spent 2 hours a night at coffeeshops plugging-away at new scenes and writing down notes/thoughts for others.
But how did it start you ask? Well, I'll tell ya:
I spent most of last year trying to date. Some dates were cool; others not so much. Every-other conversation I've had has been about what either side wants out of a relationship. You ever get to a point where after absorbing near-everything that “bottling up” makes you want to do something with all that info stored? Yeah, that's how it started. That and a scene from a Sam Rockwell movie (hence the title “No Love”)
If writing this screenplay has made me learn or appreciate anything it's that in writing about matters of the heart I've had to learn to trust my heart which I'm not so keen on. Call me Spock if you must but I've spent a long while trying to take the path of “least resistance” and subside on making a living by not doing what I love in hopes to eventually do what I love. One of the lessons I've learned in life is that never comes a helluva lot faster than someday (which never seems to come. Thankya Mr. Fogerty) and living hand-to-mouth doesn't do shit for ya. It doesn't impress others. It doesn't make you feel better about yourself or your world. It just makes the rest of the world “dim” the longer you do it. Maybe there is something to doing what you love as opposed to just doing something. Shitkicking around accomplishes nothing.
Back to my heart; the single-piston engine that it is. I've had to go back and remember conversations. I've had to go back and remember different dates that I've had with women. I've had to go back and drudge up Jen for all intents and purposes. It's not so much “vicarious re-living” as it is sifting through the moments that hurt and trying to remember something good. The funny thing about this is that when you're in the breakup all you can do is cover over the bad stuff with all the good stuff and whatever you miss. Once you've “moved on” it's anything you can do to remember anything that was good at all. Which is where I'm at.
Wow. I just realized how much I've written so far. I didn't expect to; I guess not being as “stressed-out” by my former job the fluidity of my language has returned. Maybe the order to restore my faith in the human race will follow. We'll see.
Returning to the subject at hand: “No Love: the Movie.” I'm doing this step-by-step. I'm going to shoot it digital. I'm going to need to raise the money for the resources to do it with. I'm hoping that people will walk away talking about it, saying more than the message was “Chicks suck,” because I'm trying to be as honest as I can about things. But I'm really just hoping that it'll be done.
On that note I close out this blog entry. Wish me luck. Make a donation should I ask for it. And hope the best for me. I would appreciate it.
Note: blog uploaded 2:22am EST
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