Of all the nights I return back to the apartment Monday was the only one which I got back before 10pm. Yeah, a busy week.
Tuesday night I attended one of the digital photography meetings -this one about making your own website. As with a lot of meetings it was more fluff than actual things I needed to know. In fact I didn't realize how much of the stuff I already knew until after when I said “Y'know, I didn't realize how much I knew about blogging until tonight.” And maybe there's the difference between sitting in on a class about a certain subject and having a group of people meet on it. For what it was, a basic 101 intro-level gloss-over on the world of website design, why photographers need it, etc., it wasn't bad, I have just spent so many years blogging that I wanted to know more or have it be more in-depth. But hey, the world isn't about me so I take what they offer.
Wednesday night and another Meetup group, this time centered around those who aren't from here and those who are but want to meet transplants/transients. Aside from the organizers I knew two people who were going to be there. I walked in and was instantly greeted by the organizer who asked me about blogging for Louisville.com and I said that it was interesting and went on and on about the business of blogging so much so that even I think I lost my point somewhere. Needing something to drink I went over to the bar when I was approached by L. “L” wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen or how it was going to happen, and neither was I, but she asked if I was going to be civil and told me that she preferred her name not to be used in my blog. In compromise I revert to 19th century name-dropping which is initial only.
So we walked over to where a mutual acquaintance happened to be talking to two others and we stood and talked for a bit. She checked her cellphone to see what time it was and I asked if she had been to 21c yet. “No, we were supposed to go there on a date. Remember?” Aye. I offered to take her there to show her one of my favorite spots in the city (which I've shown to a few others such as Eric, Norma, Sabrina, and Jennifer). It's just a really cool view of the city. She agrees and we walk and talk as we head to the spot. I point out a few things along the way and we walk into the parking garage, into the elevator, and up to the roof.
And during all this we hash out some of the problems and issues that we had. The friendship, the relationship... stuff. Cold and needing warmth we go back down to the street level and enter 21c where I show her around for a few minutes before we walk back to the coffeeshop. I walk with her down to her car and we talk more about the faults and I relay that on my end I didn't know how to say that I woke up and realized it wasn't going to work. She tells me that she's in a happy place, that her and some guy she met after me are looking for a house, and that's fine. She tells me that things happen for a reason (I agree) and that what she got out of our relationship was the need for communication, to let demands/requests be known. I agree on that as well. Not knowing what time the coffeeshop was closing, and owing them on a tab, we said goodnight and I returned. I walked up to the counter, asked what time was closing (“whenever we feel like it...”) ordered a mocha and sat in a chair, drinking it and staring out the window. The other acquaintance took five minutes out from leaving and talked with me. Afterward the female organizer called me over to a table to join the rest and I did for a few moments before going and talking with her husband about photography. Most of the ones left were going to see a band play live but having a 30 minute drive ahead of me I opted out, Maybe another time.
“Y'see? I'm so glad I'm not dating.” Linette (sp?) is the manager of a coffeeshop I go to during lunch half-hour. We talk about a lot of things. I relay that the worst reasons for any couple to be together is loneliness and status for the sake of the quo. She agrees. “Nobody ever wants to get to know anybody anymore.” It's true – we want someone who meets all the boxes on the checklist for the most part. Maybe more on this another time...
Went to the other photog meeting and I was the only one to show. The organizer, Joe, and I talked about each others' work. When I mention that a picture I took would be great to submit to the Literary LEO, he tells me the deadline is the next afternoon. Dammit. No time to get it printed, mailed, etc. Oh well.
Friday night I got off work early to go to the holiday party. Everything was different this year. In previous years the group stuck together whereas this year the managers sat and ate at one table while the employees, me and two other girls, sat at another. If not for the free food and drink, I would say the whole of it was a sham. I did realize my actual friends in the company as opposed to all the other fair-weather fowl there. The realization that more people dislike me than I thought or imagined was disheartening at best. I know: why should I care, right? I don't have an answer except to say that the feeling that the rest of the world hates you is not a good one. I felt more hollowed-out than I've been in a while. Lonely. Left out. Went home. Got on the Internet.
Nothing much to report on this past Saturday. Got up, made breakfast, took care of some stuff, made Roy watch “Inception.” Today, Sunday, had my photowalk in which Kathy came along. It's freezing cold and snowing but she came out anyway. I don't know if she's crazy or crazy about me but she's cool and a female version of me in a lot of ways. I am in a quandary as to how to go about things with her. Guess I'll figure it out eventually.
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