The Struggle of Birthday

Tuesday I turned 34. 3-4. In medieval times you were lucky to live past 30. Fifty years ago the cultural standard was that I should've had the house, mortgage, good paying job, wife, kid, etc. Hell, my parents were married by the time my dad was 20. Me? I'm none of those things but I'm alright with that.

There was something in my twenties when I believed that the Program was the way; that I would have all of those above things by the age of 25. I saw myself somewhere different. I did not foresee dealing with depression, loneliness, moving, bad friends, self-esteem issues, etc. If I went back to the 'me' of Middle School how would I then see the 'me' of now? I don't want to venture to guess.

But as far as life goes I've had more fun after turning 30 than I think I did in my twenties. I spent a decade running around asking if I was doing the right thing and now, while I am still paying for some of that I found that following my heart is really all I can do.

Speaking of... people still want me to get back to directing. I'm still not there yet but I'm getting closer. I think.

I remember turning 25 and I was like “I'm 25. I have now achieved a quarter-century of life on Earth. I now know all THIS.” I was full of myself. I didn't realize that life always changes and who you are now is not necessarily who you are tomorrow or who you were yesterday. The core programming is all there but as the bumper sticker states, “Shit happens.” Sometimes I do wish I could go back to the me of then and talk to me.

I know I'm rambling at this point but ya know what? This is my blog.

I'm looking at starting a movie group again. The last one I walked away from. This one I'm going to see if I can build it off another Meetup group. Will keep you posted.

Speaking of struggle... my friend Art finally convinced me to help work on the show he's trying to do. He wants to showcase people's attempts to get where they are going albeit fame, stardom, coveted positions, etc. I told him that if we did it the show would be about the trials and tribulations and that, sometimes, you don't always get where you were planning on going. We'll see how this goes...

I don't know what other pearls of wisdom to share this morning. Currently, my car sits off to the side of an on-ramp and I need to get a new battery for it then take it over to have the alternator checked as well as a new tire put on. There goes trip money I was hoping to have. I'm trying to save up for my NYC trip. We'll see how that goes.